Tommy Cooper

Quotes

I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

"Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no (h)arm in it' "

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