Tommy Cooper

Quotes

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

All quotes and jokes