Tommy Cooper

Quotes

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'

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