Yakov Smirnoff

Quotes

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

All quotes and jokes