Yakov Smirnoff

Quotes

In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

All quotes and jokes