Lavell Crawford

Quotes

I just got reacquainted with my daddy after 30 years. He came back into my life after 30 years. Ain't that some shit? It's nice. You can laugh if you want to. It ain't like he was lost at sea or nothing.

I ain't afraid to die fat -- that's my pallbearers' worry.

Doctors — they like auto mechanics. You go in get one thing seen, they want to look at other stuff. I went to a doctor for a twisted ankle, came out with diabetes. I was mad as hell.

They always ask you dumb questions. 'Do you wanna be fat?' 'Oh yes, yes, I do. I wanna sweat for no reason.' Every time I breathe, they like, 'Why you breathing so hard?' 'So I can live.'

Nigga, look at me, do I look like I follow diets well?