Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Stupidity

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 31)

#1

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

404
#2

People who get offended by jokes are fucking stupid.

152
#3

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

77
#4

You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.

35
#5

My mom looks at my dad and goes, 'Do I look fat in this dress?' And my dad goes, 'Don't be stupid, you look fat in everything.'

28
#6

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

23
#7

I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

19
#8

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

18
#9

The true Axis of Evil in America is the genius of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

16
#10

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

13
#11

Then comes the kicker: Say the alphabet – backwards. "Well, shit, you got me. I'm not drunk, but I'm obviously too stupid to be driving, God damn it."

13
#12

I will call you stupid for not knowing shit that I just found out yesterday.

11
#13

If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.

10
#14

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

10
#15

I learned early on that passion, stupidity and 80 ounces of cheap beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.

9