The interviewer goes, 'Alright, let me clarify. Are you a Democrat or a Republican?' 'I'm neither.' 'Well, why not?' 'Because I'm kind of smart and I don't enjoy being half wrong all the fucking time.'
Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Democracy
Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding... that’s extraordinary. And that’s why we have already won... they can't... it's light. It’s democracy. They can't shut that down.
Democracy is the worst kind, I’m sorry but it is. “We get to pick our leaders.” Well, what if I don’t want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own, I don’t want to be led. Is that freedom?
What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.
My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating; it was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.
I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?
Next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I’m sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?
It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.
Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
In America, if a Democrat even thinks you’re calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something.