Quote by Rodney Dangerfield:

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

Short bio
Jack Roy, popularly known by the stage name Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author. He was known for his self-deprecating one-liner humor, his catchphrase "I get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme.

All quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Quotes by other comedians

I want to keep working, I want to keep doing my humanitarian stuff around the world, shining light on different places that have problems. Keep making movies, make people laugh.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Sorry, Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someones getting hurt.

I'm constantly tap dancing and wearing bright clothing and talking really loud and smiling all the time. As soon as they can't see me I take off whatever I was wearing, step into my tap shoes, run back stage and turn the music on.