The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
Quote by Roseanne Barr:
Quotes by other comedians
I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps.
There are packs of baboons running around Africa that take better care of themselves than we do. You know what health insurance is for me? I've got Band-Aids in my car.
But in the Olympics, in the last Olympics, we, Britain, didn't do very well, got no gold medals at all, which pissed me off. But we're setting up a British Olympics, where each and every event is a British event, like the British hundred metres: "Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me… I think I was here first!" We should win that.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
This guy asked his doctor, 'Will I be able to play the piano after my operation?' And the doctor says 'Sure.' And the guy says, 'Funny, I couldn't do it before.'