Quote by Sandra Bernhard:

I'm the only actress in Hollywood who didn't pay to have these lips.

Comedian
Short bio
Sandra Bernhard is an American actress, comedian, singer, and author. She first gained attention in the late 1970s, with her stand-up comedy in which she often bitterly critiqued celebrity culture and political figures.

All quotes by Sandra Bernhard

Quotes by other comedians

My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

And then Jesus answered him, Jesus said, 'Well, my son...that is when I was helping one of the other five billion people on the planet, you selfish fuck. C'mon! You were walking back to your Malibu beach colony home and stubbed your toe on some driftwood, it's not a fuckin' emergency, alright? There's other people with real problems.'

After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

Eve, who asked Adam, "Does this fig leaf make me look fat?" Never got a dinner! (Got an apple, but never got a dinner.)