Quote by Shelley Berman:

A timid gray-haired lady boarded a Philadelphia local at Trenton and asked the conductor, “Does this train stop at the Broad Street terminal?” “If it doesn't lady,” he assured her, “you're going to see one heck of a crush!”

Comedian
Short bio
Sheldon Leonard Berman was an American comedian, actor, writer, teacher, lecturer and poet. In his comedic career, Berman was awarded three gold records and he won the first Grammy Award for a spoken comedy recording in 1959.

All quotes by Shelley Berman

Quotes by other comedians

Whenever she uses the phrase "I was thinking...," that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima.

The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.

We thought O.J. was a fluke. Turns out O.J. was a trend setter! Since then, O.J., Peterson, Robert Blake, who got off on the "I couldn't have shot her, I left my gun the restaurant" defense.

Some things are the same wherever you go, like if it feels like more than two fingers, it's probably a dick.