Quote by Steven Wright:

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Short bio
Steven Alexander Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.

All quotes by Steven Wright

Quotes by other comedians

The nicest present I ever got was an exploding suppository.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

"Some people just join the military because they need college money." Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.