Quote by Tim Allen:

I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.

Comedian
Short bio
Timothy Alan Dick, known professionally as Tim Allen, is an American actor and comedian. He is known for playing Tim "The Toolman" Taylor on the ABC sitcom Home Improvement and Mike Baxter on the ABC sitcom Last Man Standing.

All quotes by Tim Allen

Quotes by other comedians

At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.

Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

It was so cold in New York City today that the Statue of Liberty had her torch under her dress.

I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place? Are you out of your mind? Swimming - you mean that thing you instinctively do before you die?