Quote by Wanda Sykes:

Guys don't buy you free drinks like they used to. They don't. Remember the good old days? You'd go to your local bar, and the bartender would come over and say, 'Excuse me, ma'am, the gentleman way over there in the corner, he would like to buy you a drink.' You would say, 'OK, thank you. Beautiful.' And you would get your drink, and then the greatest thing of all - he would keep his ass way over there in the corner and leave you the hell alone.

Comedian
Short bio
Wanda Yvette Sykes is an American actress, comedian, and writer. She was first recognized for her work as a writer on The Chris Rock Show, for which she won a Primetime Emmy Award in 1999. In 2004, Entertainment Weekly named Sykes as one of the 25 funniest people in America.

All quotes by Wanda Sykes

Quotes by other comedians

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Mexico sent 39 trucks filled with Mexican soldiers to help out the cause. Now, first of all, they said it was 39 trucks and 180 soldiers. I'm a beaner, and I'm telling you white people, that's a bullshit number right off the bat! There's at least a thousand beaners there right now!

Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to fuck just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber.

The first day of spring is known as the "vernal equinox." The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.

The Los Angeles Times reported that sixty-three percent of American families are now considered dysfunctional. Good. 'Cause that means when Armageddon really happens, thirty-seven percent of this population is going to lose their minds. "Oh my God, the world is over!" Us sixty-three percent? We're going to go, "Hey... there's no one watching the Lexus dealership! We're going to the Apocalypse with leather and a CD changer!" You guys have been great. Thank you.