Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'
Quote by Amy Schumer:
Quotes by other comedians
Are there glass shards in my anus?
Maniac, depressed, and a schizophrenic. My umbilical cord was a crazy straw.
If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.
I love to talk about people I've met being an entertainer. All my encounters in life - I roll it all into an hour and 30 minutes.
I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I'd start drifting off... I can't sit still too long.