Quote by Amy Schumer:

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

Comedian
Short bio
Amy Beth Schumer is an American stand-up comedian and actress. She ventured into comedy in the early 2000s before appearing as a contestant on the fifth season of the NBC reality competition series Last Comic Standing in 2007.

All quotes by Amy Schumer

Quotes by other comedians

Are there glass shards in my anus?

Maniac, depressed, and a schizophrenic. My umbilical cord was a crazy straw.

If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.

I love to talk about people I've met being an entertainer. All my encounters in life - I roll it all into an hour and 30 minutes.

I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I'd start drifting off... I can't sit still too long.