Quote by Amy Schumer:

No one’s ever cum on my face. That surprises a lot of people. Never caught one up top as they say in the biz.

Comedian
Short bio
Amy Beth Schumer is an American stand-up comedian and actress. She ventured into comedy in the early 2000s before appearing as a contestant on the fifth season of the NBC reality competition series Last Comic Standing in 2007.

All quotes by Amy Schumer

Quotes by other comedians

Dog Park was a blast. I love Bruce McCulloch. That was a case of the studio taking the cut away from the director, and it went from being a great movie to a shitty movie. Bruce's original cut that I saw was hilarious.

Sir, where can one go to find nice women here?

You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.

I saw a sign on the side of the road in Tennessee once that said 'dirt for sale'...what a great country we live in. Dirt for sale. How would you like to get inside that guys mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn't he? It's a big world for this gentleman. 'Oh my god, honey! Honey quit servin' waffles and come here baby. I'm gunna sell dirt! Look it's everywhere. You need it for our planet, honey!' The place was called Land Land.

My wife ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"