Quote by Anthony Jeselnik:

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

Comedian
Short bio
Anthony Jeselnik is an American comedian, writer, actor, and producer. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes ironic misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanor, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances.

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This is a country where tobacco kills four hundred thousand people a year, so they ban artificial sweeteners! Because a rat died! You know what I mean?

I think all the knowledge and all the travels that I've done, I'm going to do a lot of great work in the future.