My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.
Quote by Anthony Jeselnik:
Quotes by other comedians
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wise-ass, so I think the mixture of the two of them is my comedy.
Now let's cut the stupid cake because I know the fat guy's gonna have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon. And while we do that here's a little mood music for you.