Quote by Aries Spears:

Fellas, you have to stop letting women put all this pressure on us. Talking about, "I didn’t come". "Bitch, I did. What’s wrong with your shit?" I tell a woman before we even get started, "Look, team bus leaves in two minutes and eight seconds. I’ma scream your name twice and I’ma scratch you off the clipboard. You better hurry the fuck up."

Comedian
Short bio
Aries Spears is an American stand-up comedian, actor and writer from New York City. Spears was a regular on Fox's sketch comedy series MADtv, appearing in 198 episodes, making him the second longest-serving cast member on the show behind Michael McDonald.

All quotes by Aries Spears

Quotes by other comedians

Suicide fucking bombing, there's a bright idea. Every time there's a bang, the world's a wanker short.

I think that God is disappointed in anal sex. I think he thinks to himself, “It’s just that I worked so hard on the vagina. I thought you guys would go crazy for it… It’s like the lobby of a great hotel. There’s carpeting and drapes and it’s warm. It’s an entry way and a exit way for babies, the greatest thing there is. And all you freaks want to do is to come in the back by the dumpster. I don’t get it!”

There's a big difference between "poll workers" and "pole workers." Sadly.

Wrote my own communications software in LISP. Got a phone bill for a thousand dollars. My computer keeps calling itself.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.