I found a grey hair in my beard the other day, and that can mean one of two things. I'm either getting old or I'm a fucking wizard!
Quote by Arj Barker:
Quotes by other comedians
Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an ''act'' and he told the audience, ''This is my act.'' Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
You know that dumb song 'More money, more problems'? Yeah, because you're goin' down to the fuckin' titty bar with money hangin' out of your pocket, dumpin' Cristal all over a rug in front of people who work in cubicles. More titty bars, more problems... is really what it is.
When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.