Quote by Artie Lange:


I'm 30 sit-ups away from the body of a young Mark Hamill.

Comedian
Short bio
Arthur Steven Lange Jr. is an American stand-up comedian and actor, best known for his tenures on The Howard Stern Show and the sketch comedy series Mad TV. Born and raised in New Jersey, Lange first worked as a longshoreman and taxi driver to help support his family following the death of his quadriplegic father.

All quotes by Artie Lange

Quotes by other comedians

A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn’t figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.

Relationship are tough. Sex is easy. We take a good idea - sex - and turn it into a bad idea - marriage. Statistically the divorce rate is fifty percent and climbing. The "I just had an orgasm and I didn't like it" rate is holding steady at zero.

You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.