I did drugs wrong. I’m the only guy who ever got fat on cocaine. I went to rehab for coke, and a black guy came up to me and said, "Damn, man, what are you pouring that shit on, cheeseburgers?"
Quote by Artie Lange:
Quotes by other comedians
The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you’re like me and you want like to eat healthy, get your stick of butter baked.
A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.
My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?