As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names... ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?
Quote by Bill Burr:
Quotes by other comedians
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
"If you got it, flaunt it" may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.
I went to Dayton, Ohio, recently. Know what's a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the fuck out, that's what.
Women can do anything men can do… except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny on purpose, reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with. Don’t get me wrong, I love women, I just think they should drink from a separate water fountain.