Quote by Bo Burnham:

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me.

Short bio
Robert Pickering "Bo" Burnham is an American comedian, musician, actor, filmmaker, director and poet. He began his performance career as a YouTuber in March 2006, and his videos have been viewed over 250 million times as of December 2018.

All quotes by Bo Burnham

Quotes by other comedians

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.