Quote by Bob Saget:

Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person. Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.

Comedian
Short bio
Robert Lane Saget is an American stand-up comedian, actor, television host and director. His television roles include Danny Tanner on the ABC sitcom Full House and its Netflix sequel Fuller House, and hosting America's Funniest Home Videos from 1989 to 1997. Saget is also known for his adult-oriented stand-up routine.

All quotes by Bob Saget

Quotes by other comedians

Girls who used to tell me I ain't cool enough now text me pics saying you can tear this up!

Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help someone with directions unless you have a terrible sense of direction. Help someone who is trying to help you. Just help. Make an impact. Show someone you care. Say yes instead of no. Say something nice. Smile. Make eye contact. Hug. Kiss. Get naked.

Come on, let's sing one of the old tunes. "When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, Diarrhea."

You know, I always say white is not a colour, white is an attitude, and if you haven't got trillions of dollars in the bank that you don't need, you can't be white.

People make plans and God laughs. Why? What's wrong with people making plans? Why don't you just grow the fuck up, you big, fake jerk.