I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.
Quote by Bob Saget:
Quotes by other comedians
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
You might be a redneck if you think a 401(k) is your mother-in-law's bra size.
When I was a boy, we had forty five statues of saints in my house. Ever have ninety eyes looking at you every time you have to go to the bathroom?
I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.