My sister is also retarded. Across the board. She's a one hundred per cent, honest to goodness, born that way retard. I learned a long time ago that if you're going to tell a story about your retarded sister, you need to mention she's retarded right off the bat or inevitably, at the end of the story, someone will say, "What... is she, retarded?" And then you have to go, "Uh... yeah, she is." Followed by a lengthy, awkward silence.
Quote by Bonnie McFarlane:
Quotes by other comedians
I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.
I used to always run off at the mouth and talk about people. I just didn't know that it would make a living for me.
I'd like to do one of those jumps they do in the movies; in a car, over a bridge, in the air with a huge explosion. It would be a final moment of entertainment.