I’m lookin’ at the Pop-Tarts box and I notice they have directions on there. I give up on this species… They have toaster directions, which, I’m not makin’ this up, the toaster directions are longer than one step. I don’t know how that’s possible that the directions are longer than one. You think it would be, “Step one: Toast the Pop-Tarts. Go ahead, toast ‘em. It’s okay. Hey, are you still readin’ this?”
Quote by Brian Regan:
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When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends.
Nothing can take the sting off the world's economic problems like watching millionaires present each other golden statues.