Quote by Brian Regan:

They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.

Comedian
Short bio
Brian Joseph Regan is an American stand-up comedian who uses observational, sarcastic, and self-deprecating humor. His performances are clean as he refrains from profanity and off-color humor.

All quotes by Brian Regan

Quotes by other comedians

I went snorkeling on vacation aka surprise drinking a lot of water through a big straw.

The only good thing about the good old days is they're gone.

Even at home, on my stationary exercise bike, I have a rearview mirror.

Nancy Reagan, who said to Jerry Zipkin, "What do you wear to a recession?" Never got a dinner!

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.