They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.
Quote by Brian Regan:
Quotes by other comedians
I went snorkeling on vacation aka surprise drinking a lot of water through a big straw.
The only good thing about the good old days is they're gone.
Even at home, on my stationary exercise bike, I have a rearview mirror.
Nancy Reagan, who said to Jerry Zipkin, "What do you wear to a recession?" Never got a dinner!
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.