Quote by Brian Regan:

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

Comedian
Short bio
Brian Joseph Regan is an American stand-up comedian who uses observational, sarcastic, and self-deprecating humor. His performances are clean as he refrains from profanity and off-color humor.

All quotes by Brian Regan

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If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.

I'm buying a Cinnabon … at the airport … I arrived at. You understand why that's extra disgusting, right? Because when you're at the airport you're leaving from, you can say, "Oh, I gotta eat. I need some food, because I might be trapped in the sky forever, so I should eat right now." But I've landed. The trip is over. I'm 20 minutes from my house, where I got bananas and apples and shit. And I'm sitting on my luggage just fucking eating a Cinnabon with a fork and knife.

Do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it and, as long as you look confident, no one will give you any shit. Put that on the back of a locket, then swallow it.

They should name a gender after you. Looking at you doesn't do it, staring is the only way that makes sense. And trying not to blink so you don't miss anything. And all of that and you're you.

My wife can’t figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who’s had everything up to here?