Oh, this is fun - went to a nude beach for the first time. Yeah, that's what I thought. You ever been to a nude beach? Thought it would be all sexy and hot. Oh my God, what a flubber fest! Everybody who shouldn't be naked is naked - didn't make me want to take off my clothes, made me want to take out my contacts.
Quote by Carol Leifer:
Quotes by other comedians
Urkel was retarded, let's be honest. No, he was. If there was a kid named Steve Urkel who went to your school - dressed like Steve Urkel, eating cheese all the time, always asking this girl named Laura to marry him - you'd be like, 'Oh yeah, Steve. His brother hit him in the head with a brick when he was five. Very sad situation at the Urkel house.'
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"
I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.
I feel good. I'm much better. Actually, I just lost 10 pounds on a new diet called the flu. Has anyone tried that one out?
Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. I assumed you were a guy, you might have female parts. I don't know per-say. And I don't mean to call it a per-say, but it might be... with sack.