Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he though we were headed to Iraq.
Quote by Chelsea Handler:
Quotes by other comedians
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.
I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.