Quote by Chelsea Handler:


Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn’t be telling their wife about it.

Comedian
Short bio
Chelsea Joy Handler is an American comedian, actress, writer, television host, producer, and activist. She hosted the late-night talk show Chelsea Lately on the E! network from 2007 to 2014, and released a documentary series, Chelsea Does, on Netflix in January 2016.

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My parents are immigrants. Came here with no money. Not this welfare thing. Welfare’s luxury… They came to the airport naked. “Can we get on the plane? I don’t want to show you where my passport is.”

It's like Platoon. You've got all this fucking stuff; you have an impossible amount of shit to carry, and usually, a kid sometimes too. And I see parents all over the place with skinny little ankles and, you know, with no particular features and they just, €”life's worn them down to a basic like human shape, you know. Their personality and whatever they, the lines in their face and the chiseling is gone. They're just this thing and it's like ant strength, and you just have to, you just have to do it to get through whatever fucking, you know, we've got to get from here to there. And she didn't want to be here any more, and she has to go to the bathroom, and I've got a stroller.

I love my family but my family - they're the type of people that never let you forget anything you ever did when you were little. I was in the first grade Christmas play - I'm playing Mary. Now, during the course of the play, I dropped the baby Jesus. They act like I dropped the baby Jesus. So now, they still talk about this. I go to my family reunion, and one of my cousins just had a baby. So I'm like, 'Oh, that's a cute little baby. Let me hold the baby. Let me see the baby.' And my aunt runs over, 'Don't you give her that baby! You know she dropped the baby Jesus!'