Now let's repeat the non-conformists' oath: I promise to be different! (audience repeats) I promise to be unique! (audience repeats) I promise not to repeat things other people say! (audience repeats, laughs) Good!
Quote by Steve Martin:
Quotes by other comedians
I had a lovely military flight, thank you. I love spiraling in - nothing like that to make your colon go, "Fire in the hole!"
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
I think the time it takes to feel better about a break up is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
If you are going through an emotional nightmare be grateful that it is only a nightmare.
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.