Quote by Dana Gould:

Suspicious Suicide Note: "Dear world, you're probably wondering why I tied my hands behind my back and sawed my head off..."

Comedian
Short bio
Dana John Gould is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and voice artist who has been featured on HBO, Showtime, and Comedy Central.

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I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, "Do you mind if we take a break?"

You’re not a bunch of people lock-stepped with the politically correct. Oh no! Don’t shoot the animals! They might get their feelings hurt!

Yeah... Just get your shit together and start booking yourself again.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

For about two weeks after that, my wife and I would be sitting at the breakfast table and there would be two or three coyotes sitting watching the back yard. And you’d know the conversation went something like this: “Naw, hell no, don’t go in there, that little dog’s a setup.” “I ain’t lyin’, ask Joe what happened to him!”