Suspicious Suicide Note: "Dear world, you're probably wondering why I tied my hands behind my back and sawed my head off..."
Quote by Dana Gould:
Quotes by other comedians
I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, "Do you mind if we take a break?"
You’re not a bunch of people lock-stepped with the politically correct. Oh no! Don’t shoot the animals! They might get their feelings hurt!
Yeah... Just get your shit together and start booking yourself again.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
For about two weeks after that, my wife and I would be sitting at the breakfast table and there would be two or three coyotes sitting watching the back yard. And you’d know the conversation went something like this: “Naw, hell no, don’t go in there, that little dog’s a setup.” “I ain’t lyin’, ask Joe what happened to him!”