Quote by Dane Cook:

Just go to an airport, stand in front of a person who is waiting for their flight, and stare at them until they notice you are there. When they look at you, just say "Don't get on the flight" and walk away. You know they're sitting there going "I don’t think I should get on this fucking flight.. I think an angel just told me not to get on this flight.. Thank you angel wearing jeans!"

Comedian
Short bio
Dane Jeffrey Cook is an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released five comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around The Edges: Live From Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident.

All quotes by Dane Cook

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If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.

I'm buying a Cinnabon … at the airport … I arrived at. You understand why that's extra disgusting, right? Because when you're at the airport you're leaving from, you can say, "Oh, I gotta eat. I need some food, because I might be trapped in the sky forever, so I should eat right now." But I've landed. The trip is over. I'm 20 minutes from my house, where I got bananas and apples and shit. And I'm sitting on my luggage just fucking eating a Cinnabon with a fork and knife.

Do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it and, as long as you look confident, no one will give you any shit. Put that on the back of a locket, then swallow it.

They should name a gender after you. Looking at you doesn't do it, staring is the only way that makes sense. And trying not to blink so you don't miss anything. And all of that and you're you.

My wife can’t figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who’s had everything up to here?