Quote by Dane Cook:

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone. I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.

Comedian
Short bio
Dane Jeffrey Cook is an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released five comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around The Edges: Live From Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident.

All quotes by Dane Cook

Quotes by other comedians

She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.

It's the perfect joke. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy shit-covered incest. And other poems by Maya Angelou.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.

I was having lunch with my friend. I said, 'Hey, what's your middle name.' He said, 'I have two middle names.' I said, 'Then you have no middle names. You have a space.'

They tell us "Rock'n'roll is the devil's music." Well, let's say we know that rock is the devil's music, and we know that it is, for sure … At least he fucking jams! If it's a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the fucking Block … I'm gonna be surfin' on the lake of fire, rockin' out.