I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone. I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
Quote by Dane Cook:
Quotes by other comedians
She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.
It's the perfect joke. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy shit-covered incest. And other poems by Maya Angelou.
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
I was having lunch with my friend. I said, 'Hey, what's your middle name.' He said, 'I have two middle names.' I said, 'Then you have no middle names. You have a space.'
They tell us "Rock'n'roll is the devil's music." Well, let's say we know that rock is the devil's music, and we know that it is, for sure … At least he fucking jams! If it's a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the fucking Block … I'm gonna be surfin' on the lake of fire, rockin' out.