A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it’s not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it’s your fault: "Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!"
Quote by Dane Cook:
Quotes by other comedians
I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any American airport and see businessmen running through with bloated bellies and bald heads, that's malnutrition, too.
They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.
I found our cat the other day. I would have found him a week ago, but we’ve got a grass bag on the lawn mower.