Quote by David Spade:

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

Comedian
Short bio
David Wayne Spade is an American actor, stand-up comedian, writer, television personality, and late-night talk show host. He rose to fame in the 1990s as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, then began a successful acting career in both film and television.

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Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then - one day - you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralysed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then - one day - you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.

I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?