Quote by David Spade:

But seriously I got hit by a car the other day. Yeah, I'm alright, I appreciate the concern. I was going about 8, the care behind me was going about 11. He wasn't getting to 11, he was at 11. But he was behind me so cha-ching! C4, C5, bingo! He gets out of the car about 105 years old. A little cooky in the head. I'm a little tattered. He starts saying things he probably shouldn't at the scene of an accident. Hell buddy, I wasn't even looking. Might want to keep that to yourself.Then he just keeps burying himself. I can't even drive a stick. I don't know which one is the brake. My legs are numb. I been drinking!

Comedian
Short bio
David Wayne Spade is an American actor, stand-up comedian, writer, television personality, and late-night talk show host. He rose to fame in the 1990s as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, then began a successful acting career in both film and television.

All quotes by David Spade

Quotes by other comedians

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

The average late-night viewer is in their mid-50s and the average viewer of TBS is in their 30s and is largely African-American and Hispanic, already, before I even get there.

I feel very privileged that I am able to do something. All of us saw the images on TV and we said we can send money but we still wanted to contribute more.

Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doctor orders bed rest, in 2004 I sent my assistant to the Gap in dark glasses with a fake ID to purchase my first pair of "Easy Fit" jeans.

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.