Quote by David Spade:

She goes how come I always catch you looking at slutty looking girls with big boobs. And I go, are you serious? Why? Um. That girl was wearing pink, and pink draws the eye. That's basic optometry hun, I'm surprised you didn't know that.

Comedian
Short bio
David Wayne Spade is an American actor, stand-up comedian, writer, television personality, and late-night talk show host. He rose to fame in the 1990s as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, then began a successful acting career in both film and television.

All quotes by David Spade

Quotes by other comedians

Comedy crowds - we always want to come out and ask you, 'How you feeling?' We always say that, 'By a round of applause, how do you feel?' Right? 'By a round of applause, how you feeling?' It's the only place in the world that you judge how you're feeling by a round of applause... There's never like a car accident, people all over the ground, people running over - 'Ma'am! Ma'am! By a round of applause, how do you feel? By a round of applause - she's not clapping!'

Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion... who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? "Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied!" I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonalds, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonalds: We're Doing Very Well.' We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."

If you're Filipino, you're the beaner of the Asian community 'cause you're just like us. You're indigenous people that got banged by some Spaniards. That's why you have names like Kwan Ping Del Toro.

Beware of geeks bearing gifts.

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.