Quote by Demetri Martin:


I think vests are all about protection. You know what I mean? Like a lifevest protects you from drowning and bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot and the sweatervest protects you from pretty girls. ‘Leave me alone. Can'’t you see I'’m cold just right here?’”

Comedian
Short bio
Demetri Evan Martin is an American comedian, actor, director, cartoonist and musician. He was a contributor on The Daily Show. In stand-up, he is known for his deadpan delivery, playing his guitar for jokes, and his satirical cartoons.

All quotes by Demetri Martin

Quotes by other comedians

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!

One of the gigantic lobsters has demolished our last camera with a single swipe of its horrible claw! Now it's moving toward me! It's fifteen feet away. Ten! I can see the long, quivering antennae! The slimy legs! Its snout and claws, glistening with human bloo...

My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.