Quote by Demetri Martin:

I think it’s weird when you give someone flowers… Really saying here you go, now watch these die, cause I like you. I feel like you should give someone flowers if you want to threaten them, here you’re next. Better put your feet in water 'cause I’m coming for you.

Comedian
Short bio
Demetri Evan Martin is an American comedian, actor, director, cartoonist and musician. He was a contributor on The Daily Show. In stand-up, he is known for his deadpan delivery, playing his guitar for jokes, and his satirical cartoons.

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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

But it’s like guys are thinking, "I don't want to fuck her, what is she doing on my television?"

Have a little fun.

I have two daughters. I live next door to my brother, who has three daughters, so almost every day, I have to drive them to school. And last year, while I was driving them to school, we ran out of gas in the carpool lane because my wife does not realize it's actually legal for women to purchase gasoline, so... But we run out of gas and people are honking the horn and having to back up and go around and the kids are mortified. So the next morning, when I took them, I made sure that tank was as full as it could possibly be, and I pull up to the front of the school, and they have these assistant teachers that help open the door. And I'm not even trying to be funny. I roll down the passenger window and yell out, "I've got gas this morning!"

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.