Quote by Demetri Martin:


I went snorkeling on vacation aka surprise drinking a lot of water through a big straw.

Comedian
Short bio
Demetri Evan Martin is an American comedian, actor, director, cartoonist and musician. He was a contributor on The Daily Show. In stand-up, he is known for his deadpan delivery, playing his guitar for jokes, and his satirical cartoons.

All quotes by Demetri Martin

Quotes by other comedians

That show 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' has been getting a lot of ratings. People love that show. That's a great idea for a show. You get four gay guys that try to make a straight guy gayer. That's a good idea for a show. We used to just call that Boy Scout camp.

The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I'm not going to say there's a worst part. I mean I'm a comedian - comedians like to work alone. So maybe I'm not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.

If you had a personal trainer, you would probably eat him. I know that in every fat person, there's a skinny person inside, but you could have all the season's contestants of America's Next Top Model in you. I hope I get reincarnated as your feet. That way, you'd never see my face again... Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have insulted you. Because in my country, cows are sacred.