Quote by Doug Stanhope:

If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it? Would you go "Baby, this shit we got together? It's so good we gotta get the government in on this shit. We can't just share this commitment between us. We need judges and lawyers involved in this shit, baby. It's hot!"

Comedian

Quotes by other comedians

If you start to smell some of the shit, you start smelling all of the shit.

I have ditched every resentment in my life except that tricky one against myself.

I think it's a good thing that emotional scars are invisible because if emotional scars were visible porn would be disgusting.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play. I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors.