Democracy is the worst kind of government, I’m sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?
Quote by Doug Stanhope:
Quotes by other comedians
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favourite band through the phone of the asshole who’s standing on front of me.
College is great. It’s the only time in life where you can write a check for 39 cents... and bounce it.
I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat. Unless I found a whole room of people who also wanted that person dead.
Wrestling is only gay when you make eye contact.
I was talking to Jesus, and I said, "Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me." And Jesus looked at me and said, "You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell."