You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.
Quote by Eugene Mirman:
Quotes by other comedians
Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.
They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles.
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.