I love my dad. He used to walk around the whole neighborhood and collect old furniture and fix it, like MacGyver with duct tape. One time, he brought a television home. I said, 'Damn, that TV has 500 channels.' When I got older, it didn't have 500 channels - it was a knob from the oven. My favorite channel was 300 degrees.
Quote by Felipe Esparza:
Quotes by other comedians
All traditions are stupid unless you came up with it yourself.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
I also say that if there isn't a response to what's been happening to the people out there, there's going to be a great explosion one of these days, and this will not be one of the nicest places to live.
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.