I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.
Quote by Felipe Esparza:
Quotes by other comedians
So, what are you in for? Manslaughter! I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig! Put him on a spit and put an apple in his mouth!
Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
The first day of spring is known as the "vernal equinox." The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.
I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.
If I keep all my disorders to a minimum every day then by about 2053 I should have a handle on practically nothing.