Quote by George Lopez:

Y'know, if those pews reclined and the priests gave the Raiders scores, I'd go to church every Sunday.

Comedian
Short bio
George Edward Lopez is an American comedian and actor. He is known for starring in his self-produced ABC sitcom. His stand-up comedy examines race and ethnic relations, including Mexican American culture.

All quotes by George Lopez

Quotes by other comedians

Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation.

I eat like a kid. I like Chief Boyardee. Their Ravioli, but they have some stuff I've never seen in the real Italian food world. You ever been in a nice Italian restaurant? Hi how are you? Ummm id like to start with a nice bottle of Chanti and a couple of Caesar Salads and umm I'm going to have the Beef a'ronni. And some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the lady.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.

He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.