Life is too short to not have an orgasm every day.
Quote by George Lopez:
Quotes by other comedians
Always turn your wheel in the direction of the skid.
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.
The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
I knew that drinking and doing stand-up was going to make me less of an effective comedian. And I just had a lot invested in wanting to be a really good comedian and so I stopped for that reason.
There was a big study in Boston, Harvard, a big medical test. Rats would rather starve than not do a Quayle joke.