In the locker room. Some dude is staying a conversation with me. "Hey not while you're drying your nutsack".
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Quotes by other comedians
The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.
I said to my husband, my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs. He said, "Blue goes with everything."
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
I'm not a gay man, but I will say this: I get it now. I know what all the hype is about.