Quote by Greg Behrendt:

Even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

Comedian
Short bio
Gregory Behrendt is an American comedian and author. His work as a script consultant to the HBO sitcom Sex and the City paved the way for co-authoring of the New York Times bestseller He's Just Not That into You, later adapted into a film by the same name.

All quotes by Greg Behrendt

Quotes by other comedians

So then there was the Greek, Socrates, he was great... He invented questioning. Before Socrates, no questioning. Everyone sort of went, "Yeah, I suppose so."

Sounds like a party at Elton John's house.

I have a BB gun and a water gun in case things get hectic. I wouldnt put it past Kanye to run up on stage and interrupt me, but good luck with that.

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

I'm excited to be here. I almost didn't do this show, because I have certain requests in order to do a benefit show. And I said, "I'll do the show, but I need giant gay icicles behind me or I can't do it. I work with giant gay icicles or you can forget it." It worked out, it's cool, so they make me look cool and a little less gay than the icicles themselves.